Once Again, You've Got It All Wrong.

I thought you humans were supposed to be smart. If so, then explain something to me.

Why is it you're always SO entertained when I sit under the table, relentlessly hoping for some small scraps or crumbs? Why? Do you think that is cute, too?

"My, oh my! Look at what a cute little beggar you are!" you'll say, giddily, before turning back to your delicious, juicy plate covered in meat and gravy.

Are you kidding me?

You see what I eat every day. It's a brown, rock-hard, grain-like substance. Mmmm. Doesn't the mere sound of it make you hungry? How would YOU like to eat Cheerios and water, everyday... day in, day out... for the rest of your life?

Yeah. I didn't think so.

So, the next time you see me down there, looking up, with big sad eyes... remember, I AM NOT LOOKING THAT WAY TO BE CUTE. I AM LOOKING PATHETIC TO EVOKE PITY.

C'mon. Hook me up, people.