Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Got Something To Say To Me?

Well, dear readers, I suppose you've noticed a big slow down in the number of posts lately. There are a couple of reasons for that.

(1) As I've pointed out countless times, I'm a dog. So, while my wisdom may be vast, my existence is, none-the-less, pretty limited, giving me only so many things to write about.

And (2), it concerns me that I might not actually have as many readers as I once thought... leaving me less than motivated to go to the trouble of posting.

So, here's the deal... if you'd like me to answer a question, offer advice, or simply wish to make a suggestion for future posts, I'll place my email below for your convenience. If I get some feedback that's worth sharing, or if I can offer some advice worth posting, I will.

Reach me at:


Anonymous said...

Dear Pancho,

My dogs will not stop barking. They bark at nothing. They bark at passerby. They bark at me.

What should I do?

Deaf in one ear.

Pancho said...

Dear Anonymous,

When a dog barks, he (or she) is trying to communicate.

Could be that they're saying to passers-by "Hey Asshole - I could bite you if I wanted to!"

Or perhaps "Save me from this nightmare that I live everyday!"

Or, when barking at you, they might be saying "C'mon human... we want meat!"

But since, as you mentioned, they also bark at nothing... my guess is that they're just stupid.

Thanks for writing.

Anonymous said...

Dear Pancho,
The neighbors dog keeps crapping in my yard. I have chased him away many times and even spoken to his humans. He is a big dog labrador I think, and he leaves really big poos. What can I do to keep him out of my yard once and for all?

Pancho said...

Dear Jacq,

It is indeed unfortunate that I don't live nearby. If so, you could get me (for a reasonable fee) to teach that Lab a thing or two about invading your personal space.

But since I am unavailable, I do have another solution for you.


You'd really only need two or three of them. Yeah, they kinda stink... and the noises they make are annoying... but, provided you kept them good and hungry, that lab would really only shit in your yard one more time.

And wouldn't it be funny to see the look on your neighbors face when they pooped in HIS yard and you told him "Oh, see that fecal matter? It's whats left of that sonofabitch that you called a pet. Have a nice day."