Monday, September 17, 2007

Let's Talk About Asses and Shit, Shall We?


Okay humans. It's time for you to stop getting mad at me for my "behavior."

I'm terribly sorry that I'm a dog and occasionally I need to rub my ass on the carpet.

If I were a baby human, you all would have spent countless hours training me to defecate on a toilet and wipe myself when I was through. And after three years or so, I would have had it all figured out.

Hey guess what? I'm not a human. So instead, when you got me, I already knew that shitting was supposed to be done outside, in the grass. You've never had to train me for that. I just do it.

But you see, then there's the whole thing about wiping my butt. So let me ask you a question. If you pooped outside, and then after you pooped, there was still remnants of fecal matter on your butt, what would you do? Remember, you can't use toilet paper, because you're a dog and that would be impossible.

Well? I'll tell you what you would do. You would go back in the house and drag your rectum across the carpet to clean things up.

Would you prefer that I just leave it there, itching and burning? Or do you want me to come up with some secret code, so that I can tell you when I need it and you can get a wetnap and clean it for me?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

So every now and then the carpet gets a stripe. Small price to pay for the enjoyment of my company, I think.

Besides... why get mad? You saw how much good that did you with my hole digging.

4 comments:

Kathy Finfrock said...

Pancho, I just love you and I'm so glad you aren't my dog. Thanks for the laugh.

Renee said...

Just a second... I need to throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Pancho said...

Kathy,

Glad I'm not your dog? Oh my, are you actually saying that? Go back. Look at my pictures. Who wouldn't want me for their dog?

Renee,

Prilosec OTC. Works great on humans.

Kathy Finfrock said...

Pancho, I just can't deal with a dog who has more wit than I do.