Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Pancho. Hole Digger. Bug Eater. Art Critic.

I've seen pictures of the Mona Lisa. I think most would agree that Leonardo's mastery of his own sfumato technique helps bring the enigmatic lady to life.

And Dali's "The Persistance of Memory" does a wonderful job of redefining traditional forms of portraiture.

But few would argue that "Dogs Playing Poker" has had the most significant effect on the world of fine art in the last century.

In spite of it's importance and popularity, let me take a moment to offer my obiter dictum, if you will, regarding some problems with the modern day masterpiece.

1. It's no secret that bulldogs are lying, cheating asswipes - so I've got no problem showing them passing the ace of clubs under the table. But c'mon! They can't smoke! That's bullshit.

2. Then there's the triplets. What are they, anyway? Boxers with unclipped ears? Clearly the artist, upon finishing one, decided to just do it again twice... he must have been in a hurry.

3. Is the collie high?

4. How did they open those beer bottles?

5. That grey thing... what is that? A raptor? A kangaroo? What?

6. And finally, while I have no problem applying a moderate suspension of disbelief, I think it's going too far to expect that in a room with seven dogs in it... NOT ONE has his nose up another one's ass.


Xander Moore said...

Hey Pancho,
'Sup. I have a question for you. Okay. Here's the scenario. Dead bird....that squirrel you hate who taunts you....smelly, smelly fish carcass. They are all equal distances from you and you are free. Which one do you go for first?

Pancho said...

That's an easy one. First of all, there's no point in going after the squirrel. He's too fast. And fish carcasses are great for smelling, but that's about it. The bird... Ah, the bird... now, there's a trophy. That's something you can carry around the yard with pride, saying "THIS IS MINE. I FOUND IT AND COULD EAT IT IF I TRULY WANTED TO."

Damn it, I LOVE dead birds.