Your Luxury Is Not My Luxury.

If you go to the Google and type in "Spoil Your Dog," you'll get all kinds of links. I didn't look at them all, but some of them are complete bullshit.

"How to make gourmet treats for your dog." - Get real. We're dogs. No preparation necessary. Any sort of meat or cheese item will do nicely. If there's a bone or fat involved... even better.

"Why not give your dog a spa treatment at home?" - Oh sure. Like that's what I want. A fucking bath and a pedicure. That's not spoiling me. That's torture!

I'm not kidding, some of these sites offer up recipes for "aromatic dry shampoos." HEY - WE ARE DOGS. WE WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BATHING IN HERBS OR BATHING IN PISS.

I'm going to make this very clear. You want to spoil your dog? Pay attention to him. Pet him. Play with him. And when your done, give him a big ol' chunk of Velveeta.

That's it.