It requires aim to hunt well.

I got sidetracked from my deer quest yesterday. It seems there are a couple of big black labs on the prowl. Went on a serious pissing spree. Man, they marked ALL my spots.

But I've got a tremendous nose. I think I found them all. And when I find a spot. I never miss my mark.

Have a good day, gentlemen. That is all.

Dog House. Bird's Nest. Whatever.

Well, that our new place, folks.

Notice anything? Notice how I'm NOT in my human's lap? (See this post if you need to remember)

Yeah, dude. It sucks. He had to leave the awesome chair and ottoman on the curb when we moved. Now I'm stuck on the floor. Sometimes, I just say fuck it and go to bed.

I do like the rug. I peed on it once. I figure that kinda makes it mine.

That's the way I roll.

Aren't all dogs compulsive?

You'll notice my photo in this post is a lot like the shot in the previous one. That's because I am starting to build a routine here in the crows nest. From my perch high above the flood plane, I sit every evening from about 4pm till well after dark.

And tonight, were it not for that goddamn gate, I'd have hit paydirt.

The usual hoards of deer went by... and then, quietly, from seemingly out of nowhere, a full-grown axis deer hobbled by - on what appeared to be a bad leg. Ever so slowly he hopped right before me. The jingle of my tags made him turn and look at me (with fear), but he could barely move.

My human keeps telling me that I should not look... "why torture yourself?" he says.

If I could speak, I'd tell him the same thing about old photos.

Planning, Day Two.

In my place, perched high in the trees, I have a great vantage point with which to view my new nemesis... deer.

You'll notice, however, that my human's father put a gate on the steps. I suppose it's better than being locked behind the glass door. At least now, as I stare into the eyes of my prey, learning how they think, I'll also be able to smell their fear.

The day was mine. And they don't even know it.

What I Did Today.

I am on my third quail. It is my favorite toy. Well, not a toy really. More like a companion... that you carry around in your mouth.

Anyway...

I'd love to update you on my wonderful adventure today... but I didn't have one. My human left and I was hanging out with his dad. The deer, of course, taunted me, and I ran off. But he called me back and summarily locked me up till my human came home.

So today was all about recon. I perched on the deck and began developing my strategy to catch them.

I wish I had a pack to help me with this. I suspect my quest will be difficult.

Stay tuned. I will taste their blood before the fall. Count on it.

I'm Becoming A River Dog.

Today, my human and I went exploring. You'll notice I didn't say "my human took me on a walk."

Because our "walks" now are very different.

Nope. We walked down to the river, then wove our way through the flood plain. I saw deer. I wanted to chase them bad... but my human yelled at me, so I stopped. It was a great day.

But I can't help it. I want to catch one of them SO bad. All evening, I watched them from my balcony. Every time, I'd mosey down the stairs, my human would follow behind and holler at me to come back up.

Well, eventually, he got into a phone conversation and I made my move. Sure it was dark, but I was jonesing to get one bad! And they're everywhere here. OH, and they bark! HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT TO CATCH ONE?!?!

Spent almost an hour out there until he and his dad found me.

Kinda on "lock-down" now. But it was worth it.

Life In The Canyon.

Hey folks. Sorry no picture with this post. Just a quick update.

I have moved, with my human, to a place out in the country. It's awesome, but I am exhausted. Seriously. I've always lived in homes with fenced yards. And now, my human lets me just run around and explore. Sometimes, I even slip away when he's not looking. He screams loud, so I haven't had a hard time finding my way back.

The other day, I found a dead deer. It smelled like shit. It was awesome.

I'll post some pictures soon. Having some computer issues right now.

Oh. I haven't seen any squirrels yet. I guess my reputation precedes me.

I Can Barely Contain Myself.

My human tells me we're moving again. Holy shit. This is getting ridiculous.

On the bright side, here's the story I'm getting. Apparently we're moving WAY out in the country somewhere. He keeps talking to me about not chasing deer and other wild animals. He says I'm going to love it... that we'll be able to go on lots of walks, that there will be plenty of squirrels to hunt (which, for some reason, he thinks is ok... just not deer and snakes), and he also says he's going to let me do some running. That sounds very cool.

Whatever the case, we're going. Soon, I think.

Just thought I'd let my readers know. I'll fill you in a bit more later.

Night.

Dog Heaven

I sleep a lot. Whatever. Sue me. I'm a dog. That's what we do.

Certainly there are a lot of places that are good to sleep. Throughout the day, I use them all. I'll lay on the couch for a while, then get up, get a drink - then, perhaps I'll try a little nap by the window. It's all good, really.

But there is one spot that I never, ever, ever move from by my own choosing. When my human is watching a movie, or visiting with friends, or for any reason finds himself in the chair with the ottoman in front of it, I am there.

There is something extremely comforting and awesome about knowing someone loves you. And if that someone is stroking your head for, like, 2 hours... well, would you move?

Hell no you wouldn't. And neither will I.

A Little Update From The New Crib.

So its been a couple of weeks since me and my human moved back in to our own place together. Thought I'd give ya'll an update.

Well.

It's been "interesting" let's say.

First of all, he's constantly going from one room to the next. I know he's unpacking, but c'mon. The couches are in... the other stuff can wait. Time to pet me.

No, all he does is give me a little token rub on the head. Then says some shit like "You're such a good boy Pancho!"

Whatever, dude. I'm here. Just pet me.

Then, yesterday, I noticed the heartworm medicine on the counter.

(Just so you know, the drug companies make heartworm medicine "easy to feed to your dog" by, essentially, creating the most awesomely delicious, dead-raw-meat-like treat - then lacing it with their heartworm medicine. Yea THEM!!!)

Anyway, my human thinks I'm excited to see HIM, not the treat. He starts petting me like crazy, because he doesn't get it. He starts reaching for the counter and I can't contain myself. He grabs that disgusting flea-medicine-goop... which sucks, by the way. But still very worth it to get the treat. I'm all, like... "Dude, that's cool. Don't really want the goop on my back, but I'll take it if you hurry will you just hurry please come on hurry."

Then, bliss.

I don't know what they put in those treats, but I think it might be dog heroin. Because I'd kill a guy to get another one right now.

Man, I gotta go lay down.

Later.

Put That One In The Morgue.

I'm not embarrassed to say that there are some things I'm extremely good at. I'm not bragging, mind you. It is just simply a fact.

Take tearing the shit out of stuffed animals, for example. I am really, really good at that.

Whereas some dogs might attack violently, swinging their prey back and forth, and running around like an idiot - instead, I prefer to methodically remove all its vital functions - leaving it, frankly, without a reason to live anyway.

Eyes, ears, noses. Gone. And the final blow? Rip out their spine.

Once completed, I take the carcass to my human, drop it at his feet, and look at him proudly.

I am a killer. And I like what I do.

Variety Is The Spice Of Life.

They say dogs like routine.

Me, not so much. I like to mix it up a bit. When it comes to my nap time, for example, sometimes, I'll just get up, turn around, and try it out the other direction.

What the hell. That's just the way I roll.

Moving Is A Bitch.

As I mentioned previously, my human and I just moved in to our new place. Actually, we're not done moving yet. Still kinda in the process.

Well, the very first day, my human decides to leave me at the house for an hour while he goes to the store. I wanted to go, but he seemed to think the folks at Kroger might not be hip to canines. So in protest. I peed on the floor.

Well, there's no doggie door yet, so I knew I wouldn't get scolded.

Next day, same deal.

So he starts thinking I'm all traumatized from the change and decides to take me everywhere with him. Convenience stores, restaurants, home-improvement warehouses. It has been awesome. I'm meeting tons of people. And they all want to pet me.

Maybe when that doggie door gets here, I'll just keep peeing inside. Wouldn't want him to stop taking me out.

But anyway. It's been a long day. I'm gonna go lay down on the sofa. Already found me a good spot.

G'night.

What I Am Thankful For.

Hey folks. It's been a while. Last time I posted, I thought I was moving South with my human. Turns out, the next day, he gets a job offer and decides to stay. So, I've remained here, as a guest in the home of his friend (who happens to have 3 rat terriers).

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for.

I am thankful that my human has such kind friends who took me in and made me feel welcome.

I am thankful that my human has finally landed on his feet. In fact, he rented a place for the both of us TODAY. That's it in the photo. He's ordered a doggie door and there'll be all kinds of new places for me to park my ass.

Most of all, I think, I'm thankful that my human and I will be together again. He needs me.

I think I'll probably start posting again on a slightly more regular basis. My human will be gone all day and (hopefully) will leave the Mac on.

Those other folks had a PC. Fuck that.

YOU CAN'T HAVE ME ANYWAY. HA HA.

Good news people.

It looks like I'm going to be with my human once again. If he doesn't find a job soon (and get us both a place together), then he's opted to move South. Yes, it is quite possible that I will be chasing deer, armadillos, and other creatures in the very near future. Good, because squirrels are pussies.

Now that he's figured out a way to keep me, there's no way in hell he'd give me up.

So...

I now officially rescind my previous offer. Not that any of you were beating a trail to my gate or anything. I recognize it's hard to effectively communicate my utter cuteness by my mere written words. But shit! Not one offer?

Soon, I'll be hangin with my human again. So fuck yall anyway.

This sucks, but it needs to be said.

Well, friends... this is a difficult post.

It seems my human has been unable to find a job. That means he's unable to afford a place where we both can live together. Looks like I'm going to need a new home.

If you live near Dallas and are interested in taking on a roommate... (or are willing to travel to Dallas to get me)

If you have a home in which you can install a large dog door and will allow me free reign of the house as well as a yard to pee in...

If you are cool with a large, 70 pound dog whose number one favorite thing to do is to snuggle and be petted...

If you don't mind vacuuming up dog hair and recognize it as a small price to pay for complete loyalty and unabashed affection...

Well, then... this could be your lucky day.

My human is not very happy about this, but realizes that it is necessary.

If you're interested, you may call him at 214-534-6632.

Just an update.

No photos yet of me in my temporary home. (the above pic is an old one) But I did determine that I am, apparently, living in Dallas, Texas. That would explain the heat. My human has been stopping by more and more infrequently. He always cries when he sees me. I hope he's not considering finding me another home. I was just really connecting with him.

He tells me that he is living at another friend's house, looking for a job and will find us a place to live together as soon as he does. I guess I was right about he and his mate splitting up.

I just wanted to tell all my readers that I'm fine. I appreciate your comments. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I'm sure, eventually, things will work themselves out.

I'll try to post when I can. Till then, remember... all squirrels and cats must die. (I might be getting over my hatred of other dogs)

Road Trip

Not sure where we went. But it's hot as fuck here.

On the road, as you can see in the picture, I enjoyed the AC immensely.

Sorry I haven't been posting. My human has me staying at someone's house. There are three little rat terriers there.

Made 'em all my bitches.

Dog-Gone-It.

Not sure what's going on. My human is sleeping on the couch these days. No more snuggling in bed with he and his mate. I guess, maybe, they're splitting up or something.

I have no idea what is going to happen to me. I know my human loves me. I also know his mate loves me. And the daughter? She loves me crazy bad.

I have no way to communicate with them and tell them what I think. If I could, I'd tell them that - when you're a family, you've got to make it work. There are just too many others that will be affected by their decisions. Including dogs.

Shit. This sucks hard.

Nice thing is... for the here and now, my human cries all the time. That means he ALWAYS wants my affection.

Ah! Spring!

It's that time of year folks. Time when all you humans start planting bulbs, cleaning out flower beds, washing driveways and sidewalks.

Well, don't think that just because we're dogs, the changing of the seasons doesn't affect us, as well. It most certainly does. Just like you all look forward to working in the yard, so do we. Because "digging" season is here.

Yes, Digging Season. The time when every self-respecting canine gives his paws a workout to see how big a mark he can leave on his territory. There's nothing quite like a big patch of brown in the middle of green. It says "Hey world... my name is Pancho. See how good I can dig? Yeah... well then, don't fuck with me."