Pretty Damn Cool.

I'm not a big fan of chasing tennis balls, but if I was, this would be, like, completely awesome. I suppose my humans could get me one and I could shoot dead squirrels in it. But they don't really like it when I bring dead animals in the house.

I think what I really want is a petting machine.

New Situation At Home.

Wow has my life changed. My damn human got a job.

At least the summer is kinda here. So I'm spending more time outside lately. There seems to be new squirrel activity and the humans are keeping the blinds open... allowing me a view of the street from the landing.

But I must say I've been pretty bored.

One nice thing about the humans being gone is... they tend to feel guilty and respond well to my excitement when they get home.

"Hey Pancho! How's it going? Are you a good dog? Are you a happy dog? You want a treat?"

Fuckin-A right I'm happy. Hell yeah I want a treat. What... are you an idiot? I'm a dog! I've been alone for, like, 8 hours. C'mon dude, let's party!

(I'm including the photo of the puppy sitting on the cat, not because it has any relevance to this post... but, come on... it's a DOG sitting on a CAT. How cool is that?)

One Of My Favorite Dog Videos.

Okay. Here you go. Hope you like it as much as I do.

Okay. So I've Been Busy.

Well, what do you know? I got a comment on my previous post.

To answer that dear reader... well, yes, I realize that it has been some time since my last posting. But to be honest with you, I've kinda lost interest in the blogging thing. Besides, I spend so much time helping my human with his blog, there's hardly enough time to write my own.

Also, I keep track of the readership here at Pancho's Place and there are so few (and so few comments) it hardly seems worth it. I suppose I should take down the site, but who knows, I may feel inspired to write some more later.

I do appreciate all the people who have read my blog over the past few months. It has been fun. Check back in a few weeks and who knows... maybe I'll come up with something interesting.

Classic Scrap-aholic.

Someone needs an intervention. Seriously, dude... get up. Try moving a little.

Get Out Your Checkbook, Bitches.

My human takes me walking almost every day except for weekends. But today, for some wonderful reason, he decided we should patrol the neighborhood. So off we went.

I don't want to be redundant, so I won't go into how much I love going for a walk. Just read my past posts and you'll have some idea as to how great it is.

But today was even better. You see, we don't usually walk on Saturdays... so I didn't know what I was missing.

During our normal walks, I've assumed that there were many more dogs in the area, based on their foul, unwelcome scents... but what I didn't realize is how many of them go for walks with their humans on the weekend. It's like amateur night for dogs.

Today, for example, we crossed paths with 4 or 5 different dogs who were in dire need of a reminder as to who, exactly, was the king of this neighborhood. My human, knowing just how big a badass I am, would see them coming, then grab my collar and warn the approaching human that there could be trouble. But many don't have a clue as to how serious the warning really is. I damn near got a piece of a German Shepherd today, but when his human saw me snarl my teeth, she and her dog both ran away.

Once they're out of my view, it's back to normal. But I do tend to walk with just a bit more of a strut after each incident.

Yup. I own this neighborhood. To be honest, when I walk, I'm just looking to make sure there are no other dogs that think otherwise.

I did find a website where some human will craft actual armor for your dog, if you're into Renaissance Fairs and shit like that. The dogs in my neighborhood would be well advised to purchase sets of their own... that is, if they want try anything with me.

Pancho The Nazi Killer?

I think most of my readers know that I have made it abundantly clear how proud I am to be an all-American mutt dog. And it's no secret that I love to kick a little ass now and then.

So imagine my surprise when I found this website that features pictures of cats that look like Hitler.

I would so-o-o-o like to tear these felines to shreds.

Pancho Winter Wear.

My humans ordered me a coat today. That picture above is from the PetSmart website. Regular readers will know that I'm not crazy about wearing garments, but what the hell... it's been cold lately.

I think my alpha male makes some rather salient points about it in his blog post today. Yes, that's right friends... I'm finally introducing you to my human.

If you think I'm foul-mouthed, just wait'll you get a load of his rantings.

Strange Picture.

Another weird pic from the internet. So what's the deal here?

Either he's a super-bad-ass dog that requires the power of a helicopter to keep him under control, or...

Those guys in the chopper have just lassoed him and are going to hang him to death, or...

The helicopter is a rescue unit and the dog is merely leading them to the well where Jimmy has fallen.

Any ideas?

I Would Aim For The Dogs Across The Street.

I guess some dogs craft sentences, presenting their observations about joy, happiness and bones...

while others gauge distance, wind resistance and muzzle velocity so that their humans can kill shit.

Still, I stand in awe.

One Happy Dog.

Last week my human was sick. Every afternoon, I'd hang around waiting to go for a walk, but no dice. It sucked.

Then, yesterday, I guess he was feeling better. He hooked me up and off we went.

I've written before about how wonderful it is to go on a walk. So forgive me if I'm being redundant. But it's truly glorious. For a dog, it's maybe the best thing ever. Except for being petted or getting a raw bone.

It was raining, but I didn't care. As we approached the first street where we turn, I spotted an exceptionally ugly dog walking with his human. Like me, he was a mutt-dog, but there was something different about him. Man, he was ugly, and I did NOT like the way he looked at me. I growled at him to let him know that I would not tolerate anything less than his complete submission.

He barked, as if to say, "pttoo... I spit at you and your ill-perceived dominance, you red-haired prick!"

That's all it took. The hair on my back stood straight up and gave him my very best growl-bark. It was all my human could do to hold my collar and keep me from running across the street and tearing his throat out.

It was beautiful - in a dog kind of way. Afterwards, I hugged my human, like I always do. I like to let him know that none of my hostility is intended for him.

When you almost fight, it really makes you feel alive.

Man, do I love going on walks.

WTF?

I have no idea what this picture is about. And even with my vivid imagination, I'm not sure I can even guess.

And why is that asian guy saluting in the background? Any ideas?

Dude, Seriously, Down A Notch.

Found this picture on the web.

Hey, it's great to be happy. And, like any dog, I enjoy a good romp.

But c'mon!

This guy is what I like to call "a jumper." We've all seen them before, walking with their humans, just baaaaarely on the edge of sanity. Thing is, they're hard to fight. You just can't nail 'em down.

I like the look of the one behind him. He's just waiting to take over... in case Jumpy McCaffeine gets tired.

Not bad, for a dog.

If you're a blogger, and you click on the link above, you can enter the address of your site and it will tell you at what reading level you write.

Mine, as you can see, was determined to be "Elementary School" level. Some might take offense to such a designation. I, however, am rather proud. Because remember folks, I'm a dog. That means that while I may drink out of the toilet, I can still scribe as well as your kids.

Have a nice day.

Funny Commercial.

That's kinda how I feel about my alpha male.

An Appology.

Hey folks. Man, did I mess up.

A while back I posted an invitation to my readers to email me with any questions they might have. I was disappointed to find that no one wrote me.

Then, I found out that I was checking my email wrong. What do you expect? I'm a dog.

Well, today I checked my mail, in earnest, and found several messages.

The first was from a reader who also happens to be an AMAZING artist. I thought I'd post a link to her site here. If you've a mind to get a portrait of your beloved pet, she'd be the one to contact.

Another email was a question from a reader:

Pancho,

As a member of the animal kingdom, and the only one I know who can talk, I'd like to get your opinion on a matter.

What would be more apt to attack a pair of humans: lions or hyenas?

I'll check your blog for your response.

Well, my friend, thankfully, I've never had a run-in with either.

I know that hyenas come from the mongoose family. So they're probably tenacious as shit. Meaning... they would be relentless and keep coming at you again and again.

Lions, on the other hand, are... well, they're LIONS. I consider myself to be quite a badass, but I don't even think I'd fuck with a lion.

But, if you're ever on the Serenghetti, walking naked across the plain, and a opossum or a squirrel comes at you... they better pray I'm not walking with you.

Don't Even Think About Taking This Away From Me.

Today is the greatest day of my life. Well, being a dog, I can only remember back about 15 minutes... so, I think this is the greatest.

For Thanksgiving, my human decided to go to the butcher shop and get me a bone. Not a rawhide "pretend" bone. And not a manufactured "dog treat" of any kind. This was a real, honest-to-goodness bone from the inside of a dead animal. It was huge and covered in raw, bloody meat.

Holy fucking mother of christ.

Okay, I have no balls, but I've got to think this is kinda what an orgasm must feel like.

He handed it to me and I immediately dropped my pussy plush toy and took the bone outside. Once I found a good spot, I planted my ass down and didn't move for what seemed like forever. It tasted great. It tasted like death. As I gnawed my way to sweet bliss, I imagined myself leading a pack of other mutt dogs in a hunt. Upon downing our prey, I quickly take my place tearing open the throat and getting all the good parts for myself.

After a while (over three hours), I snapped out of it and decided to go inside and tell all the humans how awesome my day was going.

I ran in with more excitement than I had ever displayed (again, short memory - so I could be wrong). I happily greeted everyone and told them what an incredible experience I was having... then quickly went back outside to gnaw some more.

I'm certainly not a religious dog, but if there is a god, he smiled on me today.

Damn, I'm Good Lookin'.

I'm not usually too vain. But I must say this recent picture of me is quite fetching. I think it shows me in all my 100% All-American mutt-dog glory. Almost regal, don't you think?

Take that you pure-breed pussies.

Eww. Eww. Eww.

Found this out there on the internet the other day. It is, apparently, an album for... not just dogs... but "gay" dogs.

Couple of questions.

1) Have you ever (truthfully) heard of a "gay" dog?

and 2) What the hell is this Paddy Roberts dude doing in that chair with the bulldog? Why is he hiding behind the chair back?

Okay, that's just creeping me out.

Got Something To Say To Me?

Well, dear readers, I suppose you've noticed a big slow down in the number of posts lately. There are a couple of reasons for that.

(1) As I've pointed out countless times, I'm a dog. So, while my wisdom may be vast, my existence is, none-the-less, pretty limited, giving me only so many things to write about.

And (2), it concerns me that I might not actually have as many readers as I once thought... leaving me less than motivated to go to the trouble of posting.

So, here's the deal... if you'd like me to answer a question, offer advice, or simply wish to make a suggestion for future posts, I'll place my email below for your convenience. If I get some feedback that's worth sharing, or if I can offer some advice worth posting, I will.

Reach me at:
panchothedog(at)comcast.net